RADISH MURDERER and tomato seedling update

You know how sometimes, when you’re pregnant with twins but you don’t know it yet, and so you only eat enough food to sustain one extra person, but then your twins get hungry, and then one of them decides to eat the other one (which you can read about here), and then all thats left of twin number two is a foot sticking out of the victorious twins’ neck when it emerges from your womb?

Well, when it happens in humans, its somewhat horrifying, because now you have one half of a set of TWINS (which are already freaky to begin with) AND your kid has already proven himself to be a cannibal, and so NO WAY are you going to let that thing near your nipple to feed, but then all the nurses and your hippy friends look at you all-askance cause not giving your kid breast milk basically disables them for life (not to mention your kid has his twin brother’s foot sticking out of his neck). WELL.

This is what happens in Humans

I figured i could do the same thing to the radishes. When I dropped two, three seeds in a hole, I figured one of them would eat the other and then I’d have double radishes for one single plant. See, in radishes, this would have been brilliant. I could have taken out Monsanto with this strategy.

WARNING, WARNING, WARNING — THIS IS NOT HOW IT WORKS. Maybe the soil is just too rich of an environment, because they all came up and I had to remove the extra ones.

this is what happens in radishes

pile of aborted radish seedlings - you can see the little pink radish fetuses. DELICIOUS.

Amazingly, it seems the ones that are left are growing at a faster rate than before, which leads me to believe I made the right decision.

Moral of the story – one seed per hole. Otherwise you have to burn extra calories when you remove the extras, and we all know that burning calories is an unjustifiable waste of food-energy.


Moving on from tales of my vegetarian capital crimes, let me just tell you about how much I didn’t learn in fourth grade. Remember how I gave a lesson in growing tomato seedlings a couple of days ago? It mostly involved telling Annie of Annie’s Heirloom Tomatoes to go screw herself, and then compared the advantages of seedling purchases to the advantages of surrogate pregnancies. Which is totally the hip way of having children these days. This way, when you tell someone you have kids, and they say, “Oh God, did you like, have that with your body?” you can hip-pily reply, “of course not!”

Yeah, so, well, I didn’t do all of the research required on how to grow tomato seedlings, because I was too broken-hearted over the Annie Incident. Every day, I’ve been waking up, switching my grow light to the “On” position, watering my little jiffy pots, and then leaving them there to germinate. EXCEPT. Did you know what the point of leaves are?

Chorus: No, ma, what’re leaves for?

Leaves are to soak up sunlight.

Therefore, if there are no leaves, there is no way of soaking up sunlight. Derrrrrr. Face palm. In other words, I’ve just been wasting energy and light for no purpose. None. You’re supposed to wait to turn the grow light on until after germination, when there are leaves. I am an environment killer. *shudder*

PS: Tomatoes germinate best when they are kept at 70 degrees and are kept moist. In fact, why don’t you just go here, as they know what they’re talking about, and I don’t. 🙂


6 thoughts on “RADISH MURDERER and tomato seedling update

    • technically, yes, you can eat them – the leaves aren’t poisonous or anything. Apparently they’re not very good though, so I didn’t try — they just went into the compost heap.

  1. I knew that about the twins, but not about the radishes. Can’t nature just make up its MIND? And what’s up with some plants doing that but not others? And who knew that about the lights either? I mean, sure you have to have leaves for them to WORK totally, but that they can actually kill things? What, do plants all of a sudden germinate in complete darkness and only then does the sun come out?
    Anyway, great post. Great tie-ins with pregnancy and plants and stuff. You said some smart things with big words.
    And then I found five dollars.
    P.S. haven’t had enough coffee yet

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