basics

so, some very basic basics on growing food:

If you want to grow vegetables, you need some sun. Eight FULL HOURS. thats like, from 9 to 5. So basically, somewhere where it is sunny ALL THE TIME. In Durham, North Carolina, this is actually somewhat difficult, due to the trees that grow like weeds and are a gazillion feet tall and block out the sun and make you feel claustrophobic (I’m from Texas, where there are no trees. No Jewish people either. Clearly, Duke was quite the eye-opener. Ask me about my first Jewish encounter. Its hilarious. Everyone laughs.)

Texas. see, no trees.

front yard, maple tree vs hyundai

more trees. (taken in fall of 09)

Essentially, you just need to do your best – in terms of trees and sunlight.

So you say, Okay Melissa, what constituted your best? eh?

*Puffs up Chest with Pride* Well, you naysayer you, I went outside, looked at the sky, and picked the 4×10 (more on dimensions and husbands later) spot that had the most sunlight. Duh.

Psshhh, you say, how hard can that be? what a useless blog. Everyone knows plants need SUNLIGHT.

Well, its not that easy, apparently. I didn’t share this critical information about maximizing hours of sunlight with my hubby hubs, and he offered to “build” the garden while I went and partied with some of my high school friends in St Louis for a weekend. I offered the following instructional advice: build a 4 x 10 garden, and make sure its in the sunniest part of the yard. The Sunniest. I even went out there and showed him exactly where to put it, taking into account the future foliage of the big ass trees in our yard. Right now, all parts of the yard are sunny, because there’s no freakin leaves. But two months from now, it will be a totally different story. (Of course, I didn’t share any of that information. Why? I was in a hurry to get to Southpoint to see if i could score any “deals” on going-out clothes for my upcoming Vacay. In the super-sexy city of St Louis (Sarcasm)). And then, trusting in the power of advice and manly instinct, I flew off to the Loo, where i was paid much attention by strange men and was reminded that I am somewhat desirable. I behaved perfectly though. You can ask my homies.

So i return home, all super excited to see the garden and my handsome hunk of a husband, when I realize two very, very important things have gone horribly wrong.

First, the 4×10 garden I was imagining didn’t exist. In its place was a 6×8. Second, the garden was situated a full four feet in the [insert compass direction here]-ernly direction, deviating from my original instructions, and placed quite squarely under the future shade of the huge, claustrophic trees in our yard! What! TRICKERY AND DECEIT.

So why did I want a four by ten garden in the first place? Well, you’re not supposed to tamp down the soil – it reduces air flow or something, makes it hard for the plants to grow through soil thats all hard and heavy. Whats the best way of tamping down soil? By walking on it. And if you have a square garden, its going to be really, really hard to get to the middle of it without walking on it. My arms aren’t three feet long. I’m not Luol Deng. So, if you want to use the space in the middle, you have to walk on the dirt. This bad. But if you have a four foot wide garden, then you can reach any part of the garden just by walking around the bed. This good.

Fascinating strategy.

Why did Evan ignore my instructions and instead build a six by eight garden? Well, apparently home depot only sells planks of wood in increments of some strange number that would have made it much more costly to get four foot long planks. So, cost savings. Secondly, i never told hubby about the reasoning behind why a four foot width is preferable. So, ignorance.

Whose fault is it? Mine. <–poor management skills.

What is the lesson here? Spend more time talking to your husband instead of wondering if you’re too old to be shopping at Charlotte Russe.

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One thought on “basics

  1. >> I’m from Texas, where there are no trees. No Jewish people either.

    Nor in Oklahoma where, as the line from the Broadway version of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels says, “Not a tree or a Jew to block the purty view.” Yowza.

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